Dont Know The Way Human React..

When I become too lazy, dont want to do anything.. just want to relax, people say and ask me to study, do some homework and bla bla bla. But when I become hardworking, studies until late nite, I will receive few words such as " rajin gile, dah2 r 2", "rilek dulu bang, men game jap" and so on..

When I say something which is true, no one will believe it. Even I repeat it thousand of times people will say " eleh, tipu r 2" and " ye2 je kan". What make me feel confuse is people always believe when I lie. Really weird. I say 99% lying and they still believe that my words is 100% true..

When I concern to peoples close to me, ask about their life today and so on, at the end there will say that they are not comfortable with it, they are not a child, so dont need that. But at the time I stop to concern about others, just think about me, some peoples will ask me to always concern to them.

Confuse and as conclusion.. really dont know the way human react..

Cant Help Anything About It..

Settle down with few chapters of thesis report, as usual online and see that one of my fren seem having problem. So decide to say hi and then, we ended with a chating about 1 and half hour I think.. or maybe more than that.. Start with the normal malay languages to the serious matter using english words and quote, a lot things we share.

And even we are fren, but since we are still considered stranger to each other, then I come out with this question " Can you teach me to be bad?" At first this person refuses to teach but at last it gave up and start to teach. The first thing that I must do is kick out my mercy, than my feeling and always believe in myself but must start to trust no one.

It is very difficult to do, ++ I have something call "nice" deep inside my heart. That thing will always stop me to do all that so first I must eliminate that "nice" but how? It is really2 tough compare to do my thesis report since that "nice" thing had already born inside my heart and already leave there since first time I know the world.

This person say I cant be bad since Im too nice to be like that. Em.. maybe but for me enough with this nice thing. Now is time to make some arrangement. This person ask how about my promise to become normal again? Em.. speechless.. dont know how to answer it. Maybe I just lie? Will try but cant promise, plus I already gave up with it.

And I already set up my mind and will no regret with it. I still want to choose that path. Maybe not for now but it will happen some day. At the time when I start to live independently and far away from all these peoples, I will start to be that. So hope that when it happen, my true frens can accept it, otherwise I cant help anything about it..

Thanx Coz Still Concern..

Already a week since that happen.. Since I decide to silent as long as I can.. To talk just when it is needed.. And this is what I receive until now:

iz said: weh, nape senyap je ni? sakit ke?

ni said: oi, cakap r ngan aku.. aku boring ni.. nape ko diam je?

fa said: ko niey cam pelik je? ada bnd y ak xtaw ke?

di said: text me once u'r okay =]

fi said: jiwa kacau ek?? huhu x best la.. bile nak baek??

ay said: leh tanye something? awak ade prob ke?

na said: jgn stay away dr org nanti org kte ko kere sumbang lak

mu said: u r not fun anymore.. miss da old u..

Sorry but what I need is more time, and I will bring back the old me sooner or later. But for now I only can said: thanx coz still concern..

May GOD Bless You..

19-Mar-2010 5:07 pm

Salam en. (my name) apa crta?

Above is the message I got from my internship member. Long time didnt hear his story. I try to call during my holiday but cant reach him. So it is ok. I hope he want to tell something good. So we replying several messages. He say he already got a job at S*** K******** (congratz) but actually not that news he want to tell but something else.

It is a bad news. I dont believe it first time he tell about it. Really shock. He said that one of our internship member are already go to see the GOD. From the story I hear, he got an accident with a lorry at K*** D******** and passed away there a week ago. Until now I still cant believe bcoz he still young but as human this is what we call fate.

Lastly, Al-Fatihah to NORAZMAN, may GOD bless you..

Inside My Heart..

What is inside my heart?

Anger?? Em.. I dont think so. This feeling has already gone. No more anger after this. Enough with this thing. I try to control it as much as possible in the future.

Hatred?? Why must I feel it? Do I have a reason to feel that hatred thing? I guess not. Even you believe or not, I am a person who is very hard to hate someone.

Confuse?? Maybe.. a little.. No way! I really confuse rite now. Confuse about what I done. Dont know weither it is rite or wrong or in the middle. Really dont know.

Guilty?? Yes!! Sure about it. Of coz I feel guilty. Bcoz when I think and think I know all this happen bcoz of me. After all, it is my fault. So it is rite for me to feel guilty.

Sad?? I lie if I said no to it. Yeah.. just act but deep inside my heart, I really sad. Why? Coz after this all things will be different and not same like before anymore.

Happy?? Rite now I dont has it but I want to get it back coz people around me really want me to has that. So just give me more time and I try to find that happy back.

Thats all.. inside my heart..

It Is Not Cool, Its Cold..

You know cool? Few years ago, I like to be cool.. What it is actually? I really dont know.. But I know that Im not hot, but cool.. That was I always thinking. Then I give my opinion to this cool thing. Cool in my opinion is try to act like nothing happen, relax and stay calm even a lot of troubles occur and keep smiling. Maybe that is the meaning of cool..

But I think now that cool has run away from me.. And Im really sure about it without no doubt. Rite now I am cold, and not cool anymore. What is cold? Emm.. for me cold is like an ice, but the special type of ice or in other word the ice with the highest freeze point. Why? To make sure that the ice is very difficult to melting and become not cold anymore..

If cool is been called as kewl, cold is been called "dingin, sesejuk air batu" That is me rite now, Im turn into that.. Maybe thats why I still not smile until now. My mind is empty, all my emotion and feeling are gone. No more laughter and words. Like the ice.. Remain silent, keep freezing and freezing. Just that I can type here, once again, it is not cool, its cold..

Walk On My Own Path..

Few days, my mind become mess.. All things suddenly come rapidly just like that. My sickness, my feeling, and my emotion seem to mix with each other. I cant stand with it anymore. As the result, I feel like I want to explode. But thanx GOD I didnt for real..

I just dont know what should I believe.. What should I trust.. Either the words or my instinct or my heart? Anyone can tell me? Who are saying the truth? Who are lying? Are they truth and I wrong? Im truth and they wrong? Or both of us are seriously wrong?

Really mess thinking about it. Until at last, I decide to gave up everything, to forget everything and to clear my mind. At the time I type all this words, I know that I start to change. Until now I not smiling anymore.. Can you believe that? Really not like me rite..

Wateva but I know what I want to do, what I already do and what I will do more than anyone. Just hope there will be no regret about it. This time I think I really gave up everything. The only things left is to stand on my own foot and walk on my own path..

Please Go Away!!

Until yesterday, I still didnt start anything. Either T, PM, V, TH or even study. I didnt touch any of it. It is not bcoz I dont want to ++ I succedded having my fb fasting session for a whole week. It just suddenly I suffer from the sorethroat.

This sorethroat thing really make my study mood become decrease and keep decreasing. When I start to open my study book, this sorethroat make me uncomfortable so at last, finish by close the book and stop my intention just like that.

And now as I get this sorethroat thing, I start getting the flew also. Im really stress of it. If I not recover as soon as possible, I dont know when I can start to do all my assignment and work. ++ day by day, time is start to running out.

So I just hope that this time, once again GOD will help me with all this sickness. I really need to recover soon.. And before I end this thanx for the advice that I get from some friends. Lastly to this sorethroat and flew things, please go away!!

You Better Start Now!!

Already friday.. means yesterday Im free from any mid term test.. finally. So to release my mind that is being use hardly this time, I decide to watching midnite movie with my hosmate.. And not forget "Prince Iz", 1st person who come out with that plan..

So, yesterday about 8++ pm, using my "Reroda" firstly go to P***** P******* bcoz "Prince Iz" also want to folow us. Then without waiting much more longer we go to that mall, find parking, park my 'Reroda" and rapidly move to cinema counter.

There we got our ticket, quite front to the screen but it is ok.. and since our stomach already playing the music, we decide to having a dinner while waiting the movie to start.. about 3 and half hour later.. For me, it is very long gap rite?

While eating, suddenly someone talk about the T. He said that we must submit the T on about 14 April completely with the binding and all that.. What!!! I calculate the date and what I get it just a month from now.. repeat it, a month from now!!

So if must submit the T before that time, Im sure the date we must submit that T to our lecturer are more closes isnt it? For conclusion, I only have about 3 weeks to settle down that T thing so finally to kay-are, you better start now!!

Of Coz Not!!

Tired, tired and tired!! Today I wake up early and try my best to finish that V thing. I hope today is the last day I must focus on this V thing coz it already make me blow and I even having fb fasting session in order to complete it. Plus, a lot of thing still waiting for me to done it. At last about 10 am it is complete.. huh..

So then I have a relax session about half an hour and after that continue with the printing and binding of that V things. Settle with it, me and my group members having a lunch before going to our discussion. About 12.30++ we arrive there and start our discussion. At first it is ok but suddenly trouble is start to occur.

Some of us has a problem with the result, IH with the value that is smaller than the others, IN still confusing about determination angle and both of us with the problem result which is not same compare to the animation. So using the time left we try our best to finding reason that cause all of that but still fail.

The meeting session start. 1st group come in and we at the outside start being nervous and the percentage of the "cuak" start to increase and increases. About an hour, 1st group settle with the meeting and next is me and my group member's turn. 1st group face look very moody. What happen?? And what will happen to us?

Enter the room and start conversation. At first still nervous but few minutes we start to feel comfortable and the meeting going smoothly. But, as we already know our calculation is totally wrong so we must do it again and must have the 2nd meeting session after this. OMG!! So at last, can I forget that V things? Of coz not!!

Nice One..

At last, I finish watching kcb2 about few weeks ago.. Dont have a time to talk about it until now. But, bcoz there is few members that ask about that movie, and few persons that is never know about that movie, so here I want to share about the stories inside the kcb..

KCB1

The story is about 4 main persons: az, an, el and f. el is most social since she is an actress. She seem to like az but didnt want to admit it. az is a student in al-Azhar Univ, waiting to graduate and earn money by selling bakso. f is his friend that is really clever and just got a Master. Coincidently, f is also friend of el. an also student in same university with az but never know about each other. She already finish with her study. One day, an meet az coincidently and an start to like az after he help chasing the bus. But bcoz f already propose her, an then decide to married with f when both of them return to their hometown. One thing happen when f has been blackmail and more worst, he has got HIV. f keep that secret and continuing his plan to marry an when he return. At the same time, az who finally finish his study go back to his hometown and meet el at the airport and go back together..

KCB2

az and el arrive at their hometown. az then go back to see his family and el follow him. At the same time, an also go there to visit her friend which is by coincedence, az's sister. So for the second time az meet an. Knowing that an want to get married, az congratz her. After an and f married, an life become miserable. Than she know that f has infected by HIV after f teel her the truth. an then ask for the divorce. f go to further check up and finally he is free from that virus. At same time, az that already has stable life want to find a gurl to be his wife. He searching and keep searching but still fail. More worst, when there is one gurl already accept him, he got an accident. Result, his mom dead and he cant walk for few month and bcoz of that, that gurl has been force to married with other guy. At last he ask his teacher about his wish to find someone to be his wife and finally he found it and it is an.

Just the short story. If want more detail it is better for you to find and watch it by yourself.. =P. The message also simple " If you are created for me, although a lot of challenge occurs. at last you and me will be together".. And lastly just 2 words from me, nice one..

About 4 Weeks Left..

Just yesterday I come to the lecturer room to discuss about my thesis after not see him for about 2,3 weeks. Luckily his mood is okay so he didnt scold me and keep smiling during our discussion.. Fuhh..

A lot of questions that I ask and one of it is when I must submit the final report? The answer that I get is " Maybe end of semester, but Im not sure about it.. So u better start writing rite now.." What??

So it is means that I only has few weeks to finish that.. The question is.. Can I do that? Until now I still searching for data.. Hope I can finish with all of that bcoz the time that I have to is only about 4 weeks left..